Just Saying

cherish each good-bye

2011-10-20T10:43:00.000-07:00

i last saw my dad up & bout in early april of this year.
i had been in indiana to see my niece, kate, dance in sleeping beauty.
a couple of days later dad took me to the train station, we kissed good-bye & said "love you."
if i had only known.

the last few days i have been kinda weepy. i know this will sound silly, especially if you haven't lost a loved one...
remember the scene in the first superman movie when lois lane is killed in the earthquake?
when superman discovers what happened, he is devastated.
he flies off into the heavens & spins the earth backwards, right at the point when the quake begins. he is then able to swoop down and save lois just before her car tumbles into a vast opening on the road she is driving.

that's what i want. i want God to spin the world backwards, right to that last day, the moment when i am saying good-bye to daddy. the moment when we hug & say "love you."
i would hug him a little tighter. maybe hold hold his hand. i would make sure that he understood how very much i loved him.

So worth the money

2011-08-31T10:52:00.000-07:00

There was a little girl of about 6 years old walking along with her mother as I was leaving Target yesterday.
The girl was sobbing hysterically repeatedly saying,
"I will be good! I will be good! I just want it! I just want it!"
Mom replied once with a stern,
"I told you to be good before hand."
I don't believe this response appeased the child because she continued to cry & utter her "I will be good!" speech.
I felt badly for her.
I know how it feels to me, as an adult when I can't get what I want.
And I remember what it felt like when I was 6 years old & my parents refused my request for the best dress-record-toy in the universe.
My world would come crashing down around me.
I would not & could not ever be happy again.
I watched the duo walk into the parking lot,
and as the girl's wails faded into the distance
I said to myself,
"Oh sweetie, you won't even remember this in 2-3 days."
No sooner had the sentence escaped my lips did I then utter (with a smile),
"Or maybe you will remember it for the rest of life like I do the fact that my mother refused to buy me the David Cassidy Trapper Keeper."

I was in second or third grade when I spotted the binders at Turnstyle while back-to-school shopping.
One with Donny Osmond the other with dreamy David Cassidy.
I so badly wanted that Trapper Keeper.
To be able to look at not one but 3 pictures of David all day long!
I begged & pleaded with my mom.
"Please mom. Please. It's David Cassidy. I love him soooooooo much. Please!!!!!! I'll never ask for anything ever again. I promise. PLEASE!!!"
She refused.
Her excuse?
Too expensive for something that probably wouldn't last the entire school.
I was completely mortified when she instead purchased an ugly, plain, orange 3-ring binder. Ughhhhhhh!

Well I showed her alright...not last the school year my left foot...about 10 years ago I finally threw out that hideous binder. If she had gotten me the David Cassidy Trapper Keeper I would still have it today.

I think I love him

I miss my dad

2011-07-25T13:48:00.000-07:00

I teared up over my dad last night for the first time in a couple of weeks.

Lying in bed, outta nowhere, tears.

This morning I sat on my sofa and cried.

My friends who have lost parents say that it's normal.

My friend Sue who lost her mom a few years ago

told me that I will think about my dad every day for months

then one day I will realize that he hasn't crossed my mind

I will beat myself up because

I will feel I have somehow failed him.

I can't imagine not thinking about him.

My friend Joe, he lost his dad 6 years ago,

says that it will forever suck.

That seems about right.

And the spreads I make....Blackberry & Thyme

2011-07-25T13:43:00.000-07:00

1 qt fresh blackberries

1 tbs fresh thyme

2 tsp of raw sugar (or 1/4 tsp of stevia)

1 tbs fresh lemon juice.

crunch together with your hands.

spread butter on an english muffin or scone or whatever and top with blackberry spread.

Enjoy!

Anticipation is making me wait

2011-07-17T15:34:00.000-07:00

signed up at [christian]singles mingles.

just doing a trial run.

see what happens.

if anything.

have had several men look at my profile

but

no winks

smiles

howdy-dos.

will it kill me if i don't get any of the above?

no.

will my ego be bruised.

hell yeah.

And The Foods That I Eat: Mexican Black Beans in Red Velvet Mole

2011-07-16T19:39:00.000-07:00

I made this the other night and ohmygosh! it is so very good. I poured it over a soft broccoli polenta dish that I made and my mouth was very happy indeed!

This recipe makes 6 servings

1 tsp olive oil

1 small onion, chopped

3 garlic cloves, chopped

1 tsp aniseed

5 tsp chili powder (I use a chipotle chili powder)

2 tsp oregano

1 tsp cinnamon

1/4 tsp allspice

1 tsp smoked paprika

1 can diced tomatoes

1 cup vegetable broth

1/2 cups raisins

1/4 cups crushed tortilla chips

3 tbs unsweetened cocoa powder

1 tbs peanut or almond butter

2 tbs agave nectar

1 can black beans, drained & rinsed

Saute onions for 5 minutes.

Add garlic, herbs, spices. Saute for 1 minute.

Add tomatoes & broth, bring to a boil.

Add raisins, chips, cocoa & peanut butter. Simmer for 15 minutes.

Transfer to a blender and puree. Transfer back to pot and stir in agave.

Add beans.

Let stand for 10-15 minutes.**

**My co-worker Pedro told me that his grandmother let's her mole simmer all day. Usually from mid-morning until dinner. I am thinking that Pedro's grandmother probably knows best in this case.

And The Smoothies I Drink

2011-07-15T20:02:00.000-07:00

Here is a yummy smoothie recipe I recently discovered.

1/2 cup of filtered water

1 cup raspberries

1 cup frozen vanilla [so]yogurt

2 tbs honey

1 graham cracker square

a dash of cinnamon

2 scoops protein powder (Trader Joe's has a couple of good vegan hemp protein powders)

ice

Blend.

Drink.

Enjoy.

I like to add at least a 1/4 cup of aloe vera juice to all of my smoothies. Lots of health benefits.

Also, being a vegetarian I always add a vitamin b supplement as well as 2 tbs of ground flax seed (for my daily my omega-3 intake).

what the frick!

2011-06-27T12:44:00.000-07:00

so, i am looking on line for a grief support group in my area.

i have found grief support groups for

widows & widowers.

parents who have lost children.

parents who have lost infants.

those grieving the lost of a loved one to suicide.

teens who have lost parents.

but nothing for a group of unmarried, childless adults who have lost a parent and really think that it sucks!

what the frick?!

Lulu

2011-06-27T10:20:00.000-07:00

Last Tuesday, after 3 years of thinking about it, I bought a bike.

It is perfect.

Exactly the bike I have been searching for.

Until last Tuesday evening I hadn't been on a bike in probably 30 years.

But what they say is true, you never forget.

I was a little unsteady at first but in no time I was riding like a pro.

I had gone to Target on Monday to pick up shower cleaner

when I spotted the pink & white Schwinn Lulu.

At home I could not get the bike out of my mind.

I decided that tho it would cost me money that I could use on something of more importance,

I was going to get that bike.

I justified the purchase by telling myself that I had been waiting 3 years.

I had been smart & not impulsive which has so often been my way in the past.

I deserved this bike!

I made arrangements with my friend Dana, to pick up the bike on Tuesday afternoon right after leaving the pool.

All Tuesday morning I was like a a little girl waiting for her parents to wake up on Christmas day so that I could rush towards the tree.

Even while at the pool - which I usually find relaxing - I was jittery with excitement.

Dana & I left the pool at little before 3pm but no sooner had I gotten home & outta the shower when she called me to say that she had forgotten that her daughter, Amy, had an interview....

Amy had the van!

With unmasked disappointment in my voice I asked if that meant no bike pick up.

Dana assured me that yes, if Amy got back in enough time for us to get to Target & back before she [Dana] had to run out for an evening appointment, we could still pick up the bike.

Well, Amy did

we did

by 7pm that evening I went on my first bike ride in 30 years!

I have since taken a ride every morning (Except yesterday. Bad allergy attack) putting almost 15 miles on my new purchase in less than a week.

It has been almost 1 month since my dad passed away.

I have cried almost every single day of the last thirty.

I cry when I first awake.

I have cried at work.

I have sobbed at church.

I bawl...

while soaking in the tub.

while driving.

while talking to friends.

when reading condolence emails & cards.

I cried when reading my sister's last blog regarding my fathers last few years.

And honestly, I am weepy now while writing this part of my story.

But when I am on Lulu I smile.

I feel happiness, glee

joy.

I no longer picture my dad in the last couple of days before his death.

My mind is free to

listen to the birds

& to take in the sights

& inhale the fragrance from the lilac bushes.

My mind is free to

flash back to my childhood & family bike rides.

My mind is free

to see my dad smiling

to hear his laughter

feel his embrace.

no second chances

2011-06-16T19:02:00.000-07:00

had a dream

that tho my dad was dead

he wasn't dead.

we saw him

out n about

he was walking without his walker,

he was without pain

and

he looked good.

my mom said to me,

"see, we should have let him live.

look how well he is doing."

My Nemesis

2011-06-09T11:54:00.000-07:00

The faceless being has waited for me every morning for the past 10 days.

As soon as I am conscience he screams in my head,

"Your dad is dead!"

And like all bullies he takes great pleasure in surprising me.

Coming at me when I least expect it.

He jumps out at me throughout the day

from around corners & behind bushes

tauting me with nasty, insensitive comments...

"You will never see your dad again, for as long as you live!"

"No more daddy kisses."

"No more daddy hugs."

"No more daddy grumpiness."

I hate him!

I hate him for

tormenting me.

I hate him for

making me cry.

I hate him for

being right.

Funny...

2011-06-01T10:16:00.000-07:00

...the world keeps right on spinning.

tell me this....

2011-05-25T07:15:00.000-07:00

....how do you prepare for the biggest sorrow of your life?

Me, Myself Journey, Part 4: An Ugly Awakening

2011-05-24T19:16:00.000-07:00

today on the train i witnessed a woman who was not respecting the agenda of a couple of other passengers. in other words, i got a glimpse of myself &

i was ugly.

i have often noticed fellow agenda disrespecters & i usually have a passing thought, like, 'geez-get-grip-whats-the-big-deal-anyway?'

cuz not only am i guilty of disrespecting the agendas of others,

i am also guilty of thinking that i know better/react better/am. just. better.

i am, after all, an arrogant ass.

i have actually come a long way since watching dr phil's 'you are an arrogant ass' episode. i am truly aware of my surroundings, my thoughts & actions towards others. i haven't turned over the leaf completely, but i have noticed a great improvement.

if i pass a moseyer at all, i willfully slow down. No more zipping by. i haven't let out a loud, arrogant ass sigh in a few weeks. i have refrained from sighing. that's huge!

as i witnessed the woman on the train shake her head & roll her eyes in disgust at 2 elderly people who weren't aware of her agenda and therefore not moving quickly enough out of her way, i did not think, 'geez get a grip. they are elderly for Heaven's sake. and by the way, i am so much better than you.' i thought, 'oh geez! that's what i look like on the oh so many occasions i am judging others?!' the idea that i could look so angry, so unfriendly & so unhappy deeply penetrated my heart. where is the light of Christ in that attitude? um, no where close by that's for sure. where is the peace that i claim to desire so? somewhere else.

so tho i need to give the dr phil show the credit for alerting me to the fact that i am an arrogant ass and therefore allowing me to catch sight of myself in that woman on the train today, i believe that she, this stranger that i will never set eyes on again, has actually advanced my me, myself journey further than dr phil could ever do.

thanks lady!

On a Journey, Part 3: Would You Like Fries With That?

2011-05-04T11:02:00.001-07:00

Part of my "me, myself" journey has been the fact that I have decided to go back to waitressing. Years ago, because of my issues with self-worth, my therapist told me to get out of the service industry & to stay out of the service industry. But I have decided that I am ready to get back to it. I have done a lot of work on myself in the last 20 years & even better I continue the work.

I am no longer interested in living to work but rather working to live. Right now I want to go to work, do my job, help my co-workers, go home & leave the frickin' work at work. I know too many people who bring their job home with them.

On the weekends.

On vacation.

On their honeymoon.

Crazy!

Consistently checking their emails & phone messages.

Taking on the stress of their whacked out boss.

I am not interested in living that way at this point & time so I have taken a job as a seasonal waitress at the local racetrack in my hometown.

I am looking forward to it.

It has been 20 years since I last put on an ugly uniform to take the food & drink orders of people I do not know. Tho some things have changed the basics of course have not.

One of the things that has changed is the fact that I have to be certified to serve drinks.

The on-line course & test combined can take up to 5 hours! For the most part it is all common sense & the fact that I have a past romance with an alcoholic is coming in handy as well.

So I am looking forward to this career shift. I will be working outside everyday. You can't beat that! By season's end I may be longing for my own cubicle in a stuffy office, but for now I am looking forward to this career change.

On a Journey, Part 2: Dr Phil Says That I Am An Arrogant Ass

2011-04-29T13:46:00.001-07:00

As a Christian I do not believe in coincidences,
so I knew that it was totally God
when I found myself taking a turn that I did not intend while traveling the path of my
me, myself journey a couple of nights ago.
I don't usually watch Dr Phil,
but while channel surfing I came upon his show
&
it caught my attention.
Except for the fact that the doctor's guest was a
small-boned, pasty-white, bald, homosexual male,
he could have been talking to me.
This man wanted the good doc to help him to understand his issue
&
maybe help him to overcome it as well.
The issue: no one moves fast enough for him.
They showed a video of this gentleman frustrated behind the wheel of his car.
The people ahead of him just weren't moving fast enough.
He honked his horn,
he breathed loudly,
he white-knuckled gripped the wheel,
he made forward motions with his hands,
as if he could push them along to get them to move faster.
He zoomed past them.
He is me behind the wheel.
Why can't people just drive their cars!?
While out walking, he flies past those in front of him yelling out, "On your left!"
as they continue to mosey on their way.
Except for the announcement,
he is me walking.
I just don't get why people can't move.
When you are driving,
drive.
When you are walking
in the grocery store,
on a busy city sidewalk
or
one of the largest malls in the country,
walk!
Tho I will not yell out to those I am passing on foot,
I do usaully let out a loud sigh as I zip by them.
Yeah, that'll show them how very rude they are being.
Not caring about anyone else. The nerve!
SIGH!
Wake up!
MOVE!
What is that?
Well Doctor Phil explained to his guest
&
me
what that is.
I
am
an
arrogant
ass.
I have an agenda
&
I don't like that others aren't following my agenda
&/or
aren't allowing me to complete my agenda on my terms.
Arrogant.
Ass.
He went on to say that we all have agendas,
but in this man's mind his agenda is the most important of all.
Arr-o-gnat.
Ass.
This really struck a cord with me.
I felt then
- and feel now-
that considering the journey He has sent me on,
God needed me to see that Dr Phil episode.
The next day I went to Trader Joe's.
No incidents on the ride there.
However, once in the store
I got behind a woman who felt that it was OK to mosey in the grocery store.
One little step.
Pause.
One little step.
Pause.
One Little step.
Pause.
Just walk!!
She was totally oblivious to the fact
that there were others wanting to get their shopping done.
More infuriating, she was totally ignorant of me
&
my agenda.
I wanted to pick up a few items,
get home
&
be done with it.
Before I could stop myself,
I let out a small sigh
&
whooshed by her.
I immediately felt like the arrogant ass I obviously am.
Next came a man who thought that
standing still in the middle of an aisle
in an extremely busy grocery store
while making/taking a call, is an alright thing to do.
Not the left side.
Not the right side.
In the middle.
Again, this man who didn't know me from Adam,
was totally unaware of my agenda.
Ugh!
I said in a loud whisper, "Really?"
&
with yet another sigh I zipped by him.
(I should really start carrying a paper bag with me,
cuz one of these days I am bound to start hyperventilating)
I had to ask myself what I was in such a hurry to get home to?
Well, I hadn't eaten in several hours,
so I justified my response with that excuse.
But in my heart I knew that
I was kinda being an arrogant ass.
I did better on the ride home.
When I got behind the driver of a white van
that didn't seem to know what the heck he was doing,
rather than sigh, I took a deep breath in
&
sang along to 'Top of the World' with Karen Carpenter
(Yes, Karen Carpenter & yes, Top of the World).
And I survived.
So,
tho I realize that I won't change this behavior overnight,
I am now aware of the cause.
I am an arrogant ass.
This was not an easy thing to admit to myself.
And it was harder to write it down for
my sisters
&
friends
&
maybe a few strangers
to read,
but it is all part of my me, myself journey.
There is no growth without acknowledgement.
And there is no growth without accountability.
And now that I have written this little essay,
my loved ones can help to hold me
accountable for my my actions.
I can now continue on my journey
adding to my agenda
learning to respect the agendas of others.
I can start working towards
accepting rather than expecting.

On a Journey

2011-04-28T12:45:00.000-07:00

i am in the beginnings of a journey.
the journey of discovering me, myself.
in the hopes of finding a better me.
the true me i was created to be.
it is so easy to get caught up in the world
&
all that it has to offer.
everything it tells us will make us our best sleves.
i don't want to settle.
the older i get the less i desire remaining stagnate.
i feel that God has been calling me to get on this path.
i beleive that once i am through i will be a better me
in my relationships,
in the job,
in my community.
a greater source of light in the world for the God that i worship.
now this journey won't be a pleasure cruise by any means.
i have already hit some scary bumps in the road.
i am entering places in my heart that are difficult to acknowledge are a part of me, myself.
yesterday i went deeper than made me comfortable
but i proceeded,
even while gasping for breath
&
wanting to turn back.
but i am determined to continue on the path.
i want peace.
&
i beleive looking within is the best place to start.

A Cool Thumbs Up

2011-04-26T08:19:00.000-07:00

While I was walking to the library last night, a cool-looking teenage boy walked past me with 2 of his cool-looking teenage friends.
Cool looking teenage boy #1 gave me a (sincere) smile and (sincerely) said: I like your hat.
Cool.

money, money, who has the money?

2011-04-23T11:02:00.001-07:00

i met with the owner of the dog grooming school.
at this point in time, my lovely home state is broke,
so tho my chance of getting a grant for a vocational education
isn't totally out of the question,
it is pretty slim.
sigh....

and the Lord spoke....

2011-04-23T10:30:00.000-07:00

the dream

i was leaving my

sister's house.

as i drove down the

country road

a swarm of locust

- thousands

thousands

of locust -

flew towards

my car,

covering the windshield.

i turned towards

the back

of the car

to no one,

screamed,

"the locust!"

when the windshield

cleared

i realized that i was now

on a highway

going the wrong way!

trucks were careening

towards me.

i was in a panicked!

i was confused!

the next moment

i was sitting on the porch

of an old man's house.

the old man was

writing out the directions

get

the

right

path

home.

i feel this was a

message

from God.

i believe that

He was

reaching out to me.

i believe that

He wants

to guide me.

i have been searching

for the

right path

for years.

asking God to

please open my eyes

so that i can

see the way

in which

He is pointing me.

i ask Him to

please open my heart

so that i can

His will

for my life.

i ask Him for

the

courage

strength

i will need to

move forward

to accomplish

His desire

for my life.

but

i continue on

as i

always have.

this dream has

given me

new

purpose

hope.

i am praying more fervently.

praying without ceasing,

as we are

commanded to do.

believing that

He hears me.

i spent Good Friday in church.

hearing about Jesus' horrific death

penetrated

my heart

to it's core.

i haven't been so

touched by His gift

very

long time.

i have been reminded of

His great love for me.

He chose to die in such a way for me

....and all of us....

i have been reminded

that since He did come to die

then...

hears me

when i

cry out to Him.

embraces me

when i

approach Him.

otherwise

why?

what would have been

the point?

i am renewed in my

love

faith

for

my Savior.

i am

hoping.

i am

trusting.

i am

open to

His will.

excited.

blessed.

Follow Your Bliss

2011-04-12T10:25:00.000-07:00

I am considering going back to school.

I am tired of working at a jobs that I really don't like

& for bosses that I really, really don't like,

cuz they are crazy, perverted, mean & rude.

I have always heard that you should go with your passion.

If you go with passion, that is payment enough.

And if your passion happens to pay really, really well, than that is a wonderful bonus.

My passion is the voiceless.

The abused, used & discarded.

I considered becoming a victims advocate,

but I realized that I was never a very good student & it would probably take a whole lot of schooling.

So then I thought: Animals.

Animals are voiceless.

I have often thought about applying to be a vet's assistant, but the two times I have gone with a friend to sit with her as her dogs were put down I just couldn't handle it.

And to do something like that at work...often....ugh!

I am looking for something that won't make me cry when I get home. I am looking for something that gets me jumping out of bed in the morning, looking forward to my day. I want to feel good when I am at work & when I return home at the end of the day.

I have discovered that working at a job that causes me stress & depresses me zaps the energy that I need to volunteer my time to the causes of the voiceless beings in the world.

So.....I am now thinking Dog Grooming.

There is a well respected school not far from where I live. It has gotten a good "grade" from the BBB & from an Illinois business website & last night when I brought it up at my bible study,

one of the women said that she has been taking her dogs there for years.

So, this Friday I have a tour & casual interview with the founder of the school.

I know, doggies that go to a "spa" for grooming aren't exactly, abused, used & discarded, but see, if I do this, graduate, get certified & receive my state license, I can take my talent to shelters to pamper & groom the dogs & cats.

So, there you go.

Naked On The Radio

2011-04-12T09:53:00.000-07:00

First dream scene

Southfork Ranch, Dallas, TX

I am attending a big Southfork shin-dig.

Looking across the crowed expense of lawn I notice JR Ewing noticing me.

I am not interested.

JR of course believes that I am.

He is after all JR Ewing.

He turns & whispering something to his brother, Bobby,

walks towards my direction.

Next dream scene

I am sitting in the passenger seat of a parked car.

My friend Frenchie

- the Pink Lady who took a stab at beauty school in the movie Grease -

is in the drivers seat.

We are obviously at a live,

curb-side

Presidential speech

outside the white house.

I see JR approaching our car,

but he is no longer the young,

virile Mr Ewing of the 70's,

but rather,

the old,

bushy eyebrowed

Larry Hagman of today.

Frenchie & I laugh as he

- like a school boy passing a note in class to his crush -

slips a note inside the the car through the crack of my window.

He walks away,

head held high,

looking at us through the corner of his eye.

We are laughing hysterically

because we have realized

that neither of us has our readers**

therefore we cannot read what JR has written.

Third & final dream scene

I am standing at a bar with Mary Z. & a faceless female,

a couple of my former junior high classmates.

Hanging from the ceiling our several big hoses,

like the ones found above the sinks

in kitchens of restaurants.

Mary tells me that another former classmate,

Randy H. works in the kitchen.

Me: Oh! I always liked Randy.

Faceless: He's (cringe). The doctors must have done something to him.

I don't know if this means pills

perhaps a lobotomy.

Me: How do you know that he's (cringe)?

Mary Z: You can tell by how he looked at us when we were naked on the radio.

Me: You were naked on the radio?

Fade out. Wake up.

**I do not yet need readers**.

Overheard in the Library

2011-03-28T13:39:00.000-07:00

Man #1 had said something about man #2

having to wait for payment for help given by #2 to #1

Man #2

You are an a******.

You are pondscum.

You are a worthless human being.

You are garbage.

You are worthless garbage.

I would like to take you out.

Man #1:

Go ahead.

Man#2:

You are an a******.

You suck.

You are a f****** a******.

You are a liar.

Next time you ask for help, I am going to run you over.

You worthless piece of garbage.

A Cute Dog, A Bald Old Love, Porn and a Woman Who Condones It

2011-03-24T20:31:00.000-07:00

I have been dog-sitting since Sunday. His name is Chewie & he is adorable. Chewie is my friend's dog. My friend is Dana. Dana lives within walking distance of my apartment, but I've been spending the night here cuz Chewie likes his morning walk no later than 8am (I am not all that comfortable being here at night. I am not used to so much space. So many windows & doors. So many ways for bad guys outside to get inside. And the plumbing makes an odd sound, like Satan talking to me from the depths of the earth. I tend to get kinda freaked out. I have asked my friend Krista to come stay with me, but it's hard enough to get Krista to answer her phone, let alone come to a slumber party).

After Chewie & I take our afternoon walk - usually around 1pm - I go home to my apartment to: check on my cats, workout, take a shower & watch a little TV. I don't watch TV here because, for the life of me, I cannot figure out how to turn the darn things on in this house! I usually return to Dana's around 8pm.

Chewie has been sleeping on the bed with me....he isn't suppose to sleep on the bed but he is so darn cute (Six years ago I didn't want dogs anywhere near me, in fact, I didn't want any animals near me & now I own 2 cats & I have a dog sleeping in my bed. Who would have thunk?)!

So, since I am spending the night I thought I would bring my cats over so they wouldn't be lonely. !!!! They came by for a Monday night sleep over . I slept like crap that night. The cats were not happy. Sammie, she showed her displeasure by hiding. Emma however, hid, hissed, growled & physically lashed out at me. What was I thinking!!?

I put Chewie in his cage -which is in the bedroom I am staying in - & he whined all night. Which freaked my cats out. When they weren't being all freaky-deaky, they were exploring. Jumping on dressers, & trying to fit into Dana's really cool dollhouse. Sigh. The next morning I awoke all crabby & stuff. The fact that I could not convince my little darlings to come out from under the bed made this crabby girl a little more crabby. I had to go home & get the dreaded water bottle which I use to "punish" them. Once back, I barricaded the under side of the bed except for one small area, so that Sam & Em had only one way out. Once they got near the exit my plan was to grab them, stuff them in their cage & take them home. It went much easier in my mind. A much more pleasant experience in the development stages.

There I was, lying prostate on the wooden floor.... Squirt! Squirt! My cats ran from one side to the other, hissing & hiding behind the boxes that Dana has stored under her bed. Then I was kneeling on the hard, wood floor & bending at the waist. Squirt! Squrit!

'Come out you mothers! Come out now! Fine stay under there! But you will have to come out at some point to get something to eat & you will need to drink some water& you will need to use the litter box & the moment you poke just one paw out, BAM! I will grab you & I will toss you like a basketball into your cage!....UGHHHH!'

Long story short, the whole incident took me well over an hour & I did not toss my kitties like a basketball. In fact I gave them big hugs & told them that I was sorry for putting them both through such a nasty experience.

Now my loving, sweet kittens are home & I have tender, brown bruises on my knees (kneeling on hard, wooden floors will do that to your knees each & every time).

Because of the whole how-in-the-world-do-I-turn-on-the-TV thing, I play on the computer.

A lot & often.

In the last week I have become Facebook friends with 4 former school mates. I also "found" the man I was engaged to almost 20 years. I didn't contact him, but I did FB stalk him. He is an international journalist. Mostly war coverage from around the world. He is dating a beautiful woman who is also a journalist. It would appear that he has found a woman who will happily tolerate his love for the art of porn. This little activity of his was a huge sore spot in our relationship. She however, has investigated the industry, written about it & tends to condemn the women & men who condemn this form of "entertainment"

They seem to have been dating only a short while, so if he hasn't done a major life-style make over, then I say that they have until around summer until things turn kinda sour & then eventually ugly.

He has less hair (Actually a lot less hair. Not even enough for a comb over. Think Mel Cooley from the old Dick Van Dyke show). He looks pretty much the same though. Handsome. He always had a nice smile. Maybe he's a little chunky. But with traveling around the world & living out of your suitcase, it can't be easy to maintain a healthy diet. Of course he was never one for healthy eating. And looking at the pictures with him happily holding a beer can, it's obvious that he is still drinking (He was such a pro at that sport!) Just like I knew he would one day have less hair, I must have known that he would one day have a double chin. Heck, he had lost his Green Beret figure before we parted ways, so really, the weight thing is not a surprise.

Perusing his pictures (actually they were on his girlfriend's FB page. Yes, I kinda stalked her too), made me realize that my life is really boring. And it really didn't make matters any better when I found some former classmates on FB who also look to have really exciting lives. One was with the Peace Corp for a few years. Another participates in triathlons. Another travels the world. Yet another scuba dives & jumps from planes.

Sigh.

I figure, I probably have a good 30-40 years left on this planet....You know, barring a horrible accident or a cancer repeat or a heart-attack or something....OK, I am planning on 30-40 more healthy, vibrant years on this planet & I am going to make them exciting! I am going to make them count! I am going to start putting together an exciting life. I don't know what I am going to do. I don't know how I am going to go about it. I don't know when I am gonna get going. But I will do many exciting things in the days & years that I have left! I am going to live life to the fullest! I am going to live until I die! Tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of my life!

But right now I have to get my laundry outta the dryer or everything is gonna wrinkle.

Then I am going to go to bed.

You Know You Need To Get Out More When....

2011-03-19T11:33:00.000-07:00

....You are an adult, childless woman

and

you can hum the Hannah Montana theme song.

Not For Me

2011-03-18T13:38:00.000-07:00

I totally did not miss my calling when I did not become a teacher.

Recently I have taken the time

to show two friends

how to post resumes on Monster

and

I am currently trying to

help a friend learn

the ins & outs of Fcebook

and....

sigh....

I just can't deal with the fact

that they don't get it right a way.

I hear the tone in my voice

and

I know that they must hear it too.

'Go to accounts.

No accounts.

Accounts.

Yes.

Now click on Privacy settings.

There.

No, there.

Good.

Save the photo to your desktop.

The desktop.

Here, let me....

yes, the desktop.

Now upload it to your profile page.

No, not home, profile.

Click save.

Save.'

Ugh!

Summer Lovin'

2011-03-11T13:34:00.000-08:00

I was recently "friended" on Facebook

by 3 men I haven't seen in years.

Chirs B.

I haven't seen him since he

graduated from high school in 1979.

I last saw John M. about 10-11 years ago.

We worked together until he decided to go with his dream,

move to Orlando & work for Disney.

Which he did for several years.

And Brian S.

I first met Brian in the fifth grade,

when he was "going steady" with older my sister, Donna.

After they broke up we would see each other around every now & again.

He was a senior when I started in high school.

And tho he was a BMOC he was always very kind to me

(I met Chris B through my friendship with Brian).

Then he went to college.

I didn't see him again until

the summer that I graduated from high school.

We spent a lot of time together that summer.

I remember that he

wore a Members Only jacket

smelled of Ralph Lauren's Polo.

We spent so much time together that

one evening my mother tried to get

my youngest sister to spy on us

while we sat on the front porch....

....as if I would do something worth spying on

while sitting on the front porch

knowing my mother would be snooping around,

peeping through windows....

....or at least trying to get my sister to snoop & peep.

Brian went back to college in the fall

I never saw or heard from him again.

Until today.

Yea for Facebook!

So Good

2011-03-07T12:10:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted a recipe in a while.

this one is short & sweet.

my yummy salad dressing .

distilled vinegar, champagne vinegar,

red pepper, dry mustard, garlic,

salt, pepper, a pinch of raw sugar.

easy & yummy and no chemicals. yea!

Mother's Say The Weirdest Things

2011-03-01T13:51:00.000-08:00

March is National Women's History Month. This month doesn't seem to get to get the same attention as some of the other "national" months. I am unsure as to why this is.
I plan on honoring some of the great history making women by posting little tidbits & quotes on my Facebook page. But I thought that today I would write a little tidbit about my mom, the first woman I ever knew.

My mom....

by the time she was 27 years old she had 5 children under the age of 8. Crazy!

She was a stay at home mother who kept an immaculate house.

At one point she was literally a stay at home mom.

My dad was living in Illinois and we were in Indiana,

and mom didn't drive.

Stuck in the house with 5 kids Monday-Friday. Crazy!

My mother suffered from manic-depression and migraines.

I can remember weekends when dad would do all the cooking

and taking care of us kids

while mom stayed up in her bedroom, door closed, blinds drawn.

I don't remember ever thinking it was odd

and I certainly don't remember being overly concerned.

Dad allowed us to play in the rain & mud

- something mom would never, ever allow -

so what was there to be concerned about?

My mom was far from perfect

and like many teenagers I went through a stage

when I could think of other mothers I would rather live with.

Julie Bugus' mom was my ultimate fantasy mom.

My mother caught on to my infatuation with Mrs Bugus

and was none to happy about it.

Together with my dad, my mother was very involved with

The Girl Scouts of America.

She was my troops co-leader

and she was recognized on for her dedication

by the organization several times.

There are 3 quotes of mothers that have stayed with me all of my life.

1) "My eyes have a dark brown taste."

This is something that she would say when she was especially tired.

2) "Fits, farts & moles"

She tended to spout this beauty when she sneezed several times in a roll.

I never cared for this saying.

I have always found this gross.

It's just icky.

Fits, farts & moles.

What the heck does that even mean?

Ewwwww.

3) " Crap on a stick."

Love this one!

I actually use it myself.

My Friend Lily heard me say it once,

loved it and now, during times of frustration,

she can be heard exclaiming,

"Crap on a stick!"

My mom is now caring for my dad whose health is less than stellar.

It's a hard thankless job to be sure.

But she has the help of two other women,

my oldest & youngest sisters.

I love my mom and find that it's true,

it's not until you are older

that you really start to appreciate

all that your mom has sacrificed for you

I love....

2011-02-23T12:24:00.000-08:00

when people at the library act as if they sitting at home in their living rooms.

i love when people, sitting in the public library, think nothing of:

yelling-talking to the person sitting at the table next to their table.

loudly snorting their snot.

clearing thier throat repeatedly and at full volume.

eating from a plastic bag.

and of course the classic,

humming the theme to the old Odd Couple show.

Over & over & over again.

Sinuses, Sleeping, Slipping & Steven

2011-02-20T12:43:00.000-08:00

During the 3 weeks that I was doing my detox I discovered that dairy affects my sinuses. And not in a good way. A couple of weeks before I began I had cut down on my sweet intake (and by sweet intake I mean mostly ice cream), but I would sneak something in now & again & that is how I made the dairy ingestion & the stuffy, runny nose connection.
When I was eating a carton or 2 every couple of weeks I couldn't see it clearly, but once I decreased my intake it all came out in the kleenex. Gotta admit, I am kinda bummed. But not so bummed that ice cream or cheese will never pass my lips again.

The other night I fell asleep in the old lady pose. Sitting down, head to chest. The only thing missing were readers hanging from a gold beaded chain around my neck. Ugh!

I slipped on ice in the Jewel parking lot yesterday. Both of my feet turned inward & I fell on my right knee, stopping myself from hitting my face on the pavement with my right hand. What was I thinking as I sped towards the ground? "Gee I hope there isn't a security camera anywhere."

America's Next Top Model starts this Wednesday night & I don't know what to do. I have gotten engrossed in this season's American Idol. I really like Steven Tyler as a judge. When I first heard that he signed on I was stunned. Steven headed the most successful American Rock Band in history & now he was gonna be on some cheesy show! But I have been pleasantly surprised. He has shown great sensitivity & care for the young people participating. I really like him. But do I like him enough to walk away from Tyra? I don't know what to do!

Six pounds lighter

2011-02-14T11:09:00.000-08:00

still not a detox pro.

eating more than i should.

but i have cut down on my sugars

and....

i have lost about 6 pounds!

last day is wed.

french fries, no sweets and not so much poop

2011-02-05T10:21:00.000-08:00

so the first week of my detox has come and gone. um, i didn't do so well. the first morning i threw up. at work. dr wendy thinks that it was toxins from my cancer treatments & five years of tomoxifen.
i haven't pooped as much as i had thought that i would.
i drank 2 shakes a day and took the suppliments 3-5 times/day.i couldn't eat just fruits & veggies for a week, so i added some lentil & veggie soups.
then i added some french fries. and then some pasta.
i do have some good news, until last night i hadn't had anything sweet in over 2 weeks. that is huge!
i also some weight. tho i am still unable to fit into my favorite pair of jeans. sigh.
so now i am on week 2. i plan on doing better this week. it will be easier & much more successful.
i think.
i hope.

A pooping we will go....

2011-01-19T11:34:00.001-08:00

In about 1 week I will be starting a 21 day detox program.

I am excited!

I am a little sad too because one of the benefits of this detox is

lessened sugar cravings.

But really, it is a good thing,

cuz I have a slight problem with sugar.

So, I am gonna keep track of the process here on my blog.

Stayed tuned....

I Don't Get Why....

2010-12-05T10:42:00.000-08:00

....People go to the gym & talk on the phone. And even more, why they move from one piece of equipment to another, not use the devise, and tell the person on the other line that they are working out. No, you are at the gym but unless moving from one work-out station to another is really getting your heart-rate up & your sweat on, you are not working out. ....We don't we sing Christmas songs all year round in church. Songs that speak of the birth of Christ should be heard every day of the year!

Just Saying

2010-11-28T11:57:00.001-08:00

Sigh.....

More happiness....Acts 20:35

2010-10-03T10:39:00.000-07:00

three or four years ago i was so excited to give a co-worker $.25.
laura had yelled out asking if anyone had a quarter and i did! at that time i rarely, if ever, had any cash of any amount on me. but that day i had some change. when i heard her ask, i jumped from my desk proclaiming very loudly, "i have a quarter!" wendy was already at laura's desk by the time i arrived but before she could hand laura her coin i said, "oh! let me. i can help this time! let me!"
pathetic, huh?
four years ago i was experiencing a very dry financial spell. and then it got worse. the company i worked for closed it's doors and i was out of work for nine months.
when i finally found a job, it paid very little. my family, friends & church helped me greatly.
i believe that i am gracious receiver (and during this period i certainly learned to swallow any & all of my pride), but i really longed to be the helper.
during this time i continued to give my time as a volunteer, but i wanted to help someone one on one, you know.
well, i have been given the chance to help another woman a couple of times in the past few months & i feel as if i have found my real home.
sounds corny maybe, but the corn makes it no less true.
there were times when i thanked someone after receiving help that i would hear in response, "Thank you Jessica for allowing me to help you." or "Jessica, it is such an honor to help you."
i get that now. however you are able to do it, it's a beautiful thing to aide someone in need.
it is truly better to give than to receive.

I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do. ~Edward Everett Hale

What's Age Got To Do With It?

2010-09-27T11:33:00.000-07:00

i spent saturday with my friend liliana.
lily makes me smile.
she assures me that i make her smile as well.
lily is younger than i am. in fact she was born 4 months before i graduated from high school. so yeah, that makes her 28 years old.
i don't believe that age should matter when it comes to matters of the heart....friendship or romance.
so lily & i get together every couple of months.
this time we spent a couple of hours in long grove, il.
went back to my place, drank 3 or 4 mimosas (each), ate some pasta, had a glass of wine and watched under the tuscan sun.
a nice day with a good friend.

Psst Dude, it's a medium

2010-09-21T10:42:00.000-07:00

i go to starbucks. i order a large pumpkin, soy latte. the server hands it to me.
me: is this a large?
server: no. a grande?
me: it's a medium?
server: no. grande.
me: i don't know what that means.
server: it's medium.

Anew Favorite.....Sinu Orega

2010-09-20T11:57:00.000-07:00

I have made a sinus cleanser with oil of oregano, sea salt & oil of peppermint, but Sinu Orega ROCKS. It stings for like a nona-second at first and then....clear breathing! LOVE IT!!

I Love Shemar Moore.

2010-09-17T09:53:00.000-07:00

I don't know him

I will never cross paths with him

But he makes me, oh so very happy.

Charity of the Month.....The Children's Burn Foundation

2010-09-16T11:42:00.000-07:00

The Children's Burn Foundation provides medical treatment and other needs for children who have been severely burned.

"Because of the support of our other wonderful donors, last year more than 1,880 young burn survivors received support from the Foundation for a variety of needs. These needs include reconstructive surgery, specialized pressure garments that promote healing and reduce scarring, housing assistance, counseling and opportunities to socialize with other survivors through our Holiday Party and camp programs. Generous donor support also enabled the Foundation's prevention programs to educate more than 65,000 children and families how to prevent burns and fires that cause such painful injuries. "

And like all my charities of choice, the Children's Burn foundation is cruelty free.

5000 Van Nuys Boulevard, Suite 450 Sherman Oaks, CA 91403(818) 907-2822

I got nothing

2010-09-14T11:07:00.000-07:00

i haven't written in a while.
haven't had much to write about.
i do yoga. i work. i go home.
i do some volunteer work
and a silent peace vigil now & then.
but nothing to write about.
i had a job interview a few weeks back
and tho the doctors both really like me
they are afraid of insulting me
with the salary that they would offer.
so i didn't hear back from them until this morning.
i am hoping to meet with them next week
to see what we can work out.
my sister moved to indiana
to be with my other sister,
her family
& our parents.
when i first heard, i was so sad.
i am all alone in illinois now.
i have kicked around the idea of moving to indiana too.
i miss out on so much with my nieces & nephew.
and i miss my parents
and my sisters.
"starting anew" sounds so romantic & exciting.
so i have had nothing to write about
and i still don't.
i'm just sitting here on my lunch hour,
eating a vegan mac n cheese
wishing i had something to write about.

and the smoothies i drink

2010-08-30T11:01:00.000-07:00

made a yummy smoothie for breakfast this morning and i want to share it with you. it has a bunch of good for you stuff in it. it filled me up so for several hours there was no snacking in between meals today.

Super Smoothie
Will make 64 ounces.

8 oz green veggie juice or 4 tbsp of powered greens w/ 8 oz water
8 oz carrot juice
8 oz pomegranate or grape juice
2 c unsweetened organic greek-styled yogurt or plain soygurt
1 c fresh or frozen blueberries
1 c of another fresh or frozen fruit
2 kiwis
3 oz tofu
1/4 c ground flaxseed
1/4 c wheat germ
2 tsp cinnamon.

For added flavor and nutrient power also add one or all of these:

Dates, raisins or figs
1-2 tbsp peanut butter
Organic [soy/ric/almond] milk
Spinach
Sunflower seeds

do your own lying mister

2010-08-19T11:26:00.000-07:00

be rude & lie to your own creditors.
don't ask me to do it.
i wasn't rude
nor
did i lie to my creditors,
i just didn't answer the phone.

Grey Cowlicks

2010-07-27T11:05:00.000-07:00

So the guy I wrote about a month ago who told me that I am beautiful, well he also told me that I need to do something with my hair. Actually what he said was: It looks as if someone went at your head with a weed whacker.
HA! I laughed then & I laugh now because it isn't far from the truth.
I have no hair talent. That is why I usually wear it super short.
But he is a stylist and has been for over 20 years and he works at a, up-scale salon in Winnetka, so I think he probably knows what he is talking about & has to be good.
So he tells me to give him 2 more months of growth and he - because he thinks I am so nice (and beautiful) - will cut, style & maybe add some highlights, for FREE.
Two months sounded fine a few weeks ago, but geez.....I just looked and I have 2 more weeks of "growth" to go.....I don't know if I can do it....He's kind enough not to mention my hair when he comes in now....the waiting....the cowlicks....the grey......UGH!

I wish....

2010-07-16T06:47:00.000-07:00

....that i was as patient
with myself
as i am with others.
i wish
that i was as patient
towards myself
as
others are
towards me.
i wish
i could be as
forgiving towards myself
as
others are
towards me.
when i do something
that wouldn't even make me blink
if someone else did it
i can become so angry (disappointed?) in myself.
and it doesn't matter if it is something
that can/will affect my life in the
long term,
short term,
forever
or
never.
i beat myself up.
i have learned to forgive others.
i have learned to accept others for who they are.
but not meself.
i wish
i could love myself
as i love others.
sigh.

Charity of the Month....Sasha Farm

2010-07-15T12:26:00.000-07:00

SASHA Farm is the midwest's largest farm animal sanctuary.
Shelter, food, water, veterinary care and a roof for the animal residents.
As well as affection, social interaction with others of their own species, and a sense of security.

A New Favorite

2010-07-07T11:59:00.000-07:00

The green onion blossom.
Use it like you would a chive.
I use this wonderful blossom in pasta sauce
and
in my toful scramble.
I love it so very much.

A New Favorite

2010-07-01T09:13:00.000-07:00

This workout kicks my butt! I love it!

Super Nice Way

2010-06-14T11:38:00.001-07:00

this morning
a man told me
that
i am
beautiful.
looking me straight
in my eyes
he said:
you are so,
um,
so beautiful.
he wasn't hitting on me
cuz he's gay.
then he told my boss
how much he l
likes me.
how nice
&
compassionate
&
helpful i am.
needless to say
his words
helped to put
a smile on
my face
&
a spring in
my step
&
started my
day off
in a
super
nice
way

How Old Am I?

2010-06-04T10:18:00.000-07:00

my sister posted a picture of me with her daughter kate on facebook.
ohmygosh!
i look so old.
it was a real eye opener for me.
yes, that morning it was like 90 degrees
and
i hadn't slept well at my parents home the night before
because it was like 90 degrees in their home,
but that is no excuse for looking 10 years older
and
15 pounds heavier than i am.
a couple of weeks ago i wrote of how i have been
letting myself go for the past couple of years,
well that picture was huge kick in my butt.
kate on the other hand looks adorable.
she is such a sweet girl.
a girl who shines.
she has a beautiful heart.
she radiates in the photo.

Anyone Remember....

2010-05-27T11:15:00.000-07:00

I'm a happy mouse and I ought to be.
Cuz you let me in your house
and
watch me on TV.
We're all happy kids
when you're in our house.
We have fun
and
lots of laughs
because you're Mickey Mouse.

Pasta Pepper Salad

2010-05-27T05:51:00.000-07:00

Pasta
1/2 medium yellow &/or red pepper
2 TBS small capers - drained
1/2 c prepared mayonnaise or vegenaise**
Juice of 1 lemon
1/2 tsp Tabasco sauce
2 TBS chopped parsley.

**Make your own.

The recipe calls for 1 TBS + 1 heaping tsp of Kosher salt, but I think capers have enough salt in them so I used an All-Spice. I also added veggie sausage crumbles

Pretty darn yummy.

Black Bean & Red Pepper Taco

2010-05-24T11:14:00.000-07:00

Black Beans (I use Cuban style)
Salsa
Garlic
Cumin
Black Pepper
Baby Spinach
Roasted Red Peppers
Cilantro
Green Onions
Tortillas
Soy crumbles, vegan sour cream & cheese if you want

Bean Salad....Today's Lunch

2010-05-24T11:09:00.000-07:00

Use any & all of the beans* that you want. I used black, pinto, white & red for lunch today.
Take a green leaf or two. Maybe spinach & romaine like me.
Add onions, carrots, celery & grape tomatoes.
Champagne vinegar.
Olive oil.
Basil.
Garlic.
Salt & pepper.
Yellow pepper.
And cheese if you want (I didn't want)
Lot's of fiber & protein & yum too!

*Baby New Potatoes would be good to add as well as fruit & nuts and whatever!

A Few Of My Favorite Things

2010-05-21T07:20:00.001-07:00

My sleeping masks.
Allows me to sleep in pitch-darkness,
which makes for a very happy me in the morning.

My Quicksteamer.
Cleans up cat hair,
&
cat puke,
&
other stuff so well.
It was less than $100.00
@ Target.

My Public Vow

2010-05-20T11:16:00.001-07:00

This past Tuesday evening I had had enough....of myself.

For the past several months I have been neglecting my spirit, mind & body.

So this past Tuesday I decided that I need to get back to the basics.

1) Quiet times with God - which I find enhances my prayer life & helps me "hear" Him more clearly. And just surrendering my heart to Him. I miss that part of my life. I need that part most of all.

2) Yoga in the mornings. I have started w/ a 10 minute program which I will do for the next 10 days working myself up to 15 minutes, 20, 30, & finally 50.
Plus, it's back to the gym on Friday afternoons, & Saturday & Sunday mornings.
Also, I want to get my bike in shape for the summer so that I can ride it to work 3 times/week.

3) Start cooking again. I used to cook 3-4 times/week but lately I cook on the weekends. Maybe.
I can no longer use my new work schedule as an excuse. Yes, I never know when I am going to get out of here (6:15? 6:30? 7:00? Once @ 7:30). Even if I put together several meals over the weekend & freeze them, that's better than cereal for dinner. Sometimes.

4) Turn off the crappy TV shows. It wasn't that long ago that I occupied my evenings home with documentaries, crossword puzzels & reading but lately it's been one crappy show after another.
My brain cells have dried up for goodness sake.

5) Getting back to the "Bring our Troops Home" End the War" protests the 2nd Saturday of every month. I haven't been since last July. Tho I am really, really sorry that the protests are still going on, I want to be a part of them again.

I have been a spiritual-physical-mental bum since January. But no more!

Change is happening.

This paycheck I am purchasing only "real" foods- tho I have to admit I haven't totally slacked in this area, I do have enjoy a fresh, healthy fruit or veggie smoothie once or twice/day.

I watched a doc the other night & I have one waiting in wings. I also have a bag of books ready to be read & my Bible at my bedside for right before lights out & first thing in the am.

This is my public declaration. I am now accountable to you. I know that I can do it. I know that I will do it. In no time at all my attitude of the last of the last several months will be long behind me.

Yea me!

What's It To Ya?

2010-05-18T11:30:00.001-07:00

a woman recently won $2 million.
she going to buy goats & other animals
in need & start an animal rescue farm.
some are inspired by her selflessness.
some are laughing.
some are criticizing.
i say to the ones laughing & criticizing:
1) it's her money to spend as she wishes.
2) we have no idea how she has helped others
....human or otherwise....
in the past
3) the human heart is so very,
very big.
it can accommodate
many,
many
causes,
charities
&
concerns

Overheard This Past Weekend

2010-05-04T09:02:00.000-07:00

"Well, they're colored you know, so they know how to sing."

Today I realized....Part 3

2010-04-30T07:23:00.000-07:00

Antonio Banderas is the voice of that bee in the allergy spray commercial.

Oh, and I know many won't agree with me,
but I can't help but get the feeling that this man
is in need of a shower
and
some deodorant.

Today I realized....Part 2

2010-04-29T11:54:00.000-07:00

i am so completely blessed to be in the position to help those in need.
animals. children. the poor/hungry. the earth.
to be able to give of my time & money.....to be a voice for the voiceless....for me there is nothing more beautiful & fulfilling

Today I realized....

2010-04-29T11:46:00.000-07:00

remember the old PSA with the Native American who cried a single tear as he looked at the garbage littering our country's rivers, road sides, forests, etc? that single tear on that man's face really affected me. i remember thinking about that ad time & time again as a young girl. when my family would take road trips and outside the car windows i would spot newspapers & cans and other crap, his lined face would come to my mind.
when out walking, i have chased after wind-blown plastic bags & picked up garbage lying in the grass & caught in bushes.
i once refused to get into a boyfriend's car until he retrieved the gum wrapper he had carelessly thrown on to the pavement. at first he thought i was joking. i wasn't. he picked up the wrapper.
through out the years that PSA has been the subject of jokes, but not to me. i believe it actually helped make me the person i am today.

just saying

My Weekend

2010-04-20T12:13:00.000-07:00

Flew out
Small plane
Landed in the middle of nowhere
A 90 acre farm
Pitch black sky
1000's of twinkling stars
Crickets chirruping
Dogs howling
Up with the sun
Hike through God's creation
Praising Him & praying to Him
Cows lowing
Donkeys braying
Frogs & birds singing
Psalm 31:8....Be the voice of the voiceless
Smelling the earth
In town
Meet the sheriff
A small diner
A wonderful home-made lunch
Small town hospitality
Back on the farm
7 mile walk
Psalm 31:8....Be the voice of the voiceless
Found puppies
Found shelter
St Louis
Molly
Giggles. Laughter. Silly-stupid stuff
The arch
Gateway to the west
$25 appetizer
Accidentally eat a tiny-bit of meat
Target
Down the down escalator
Up the up
Ted's, a St Louis must see
Frozen custard-concrete shakes with hot fudge & cookie dough
Drive back to Marriott
Wrong lane
Wrong way
Scary
Don't drive with Molly again
In bed
Firm mattress
Fluffy pillows
Deep sleep
Seminar
Fly back
Small plane
My car
My home
My kitties
Sigh....

2010-04-08T12:05:00.000-07:00

had 3 garlic bread sticks
from the olive garden
with my lunch today. will keep my [vegan] mints
in my jacket pocket
and
try not to get to close
to the patients this afternoon.

The Most Awesome Of All

2010-04-05T11:05:00.000-07:00

went into the city this past saturday with my friend lily.
she had never been to the art institute before
so we went there
&
then to berghoff's for lunch.
you might think it be would difficult to find a meatless meal
at a german meat & potato restaurant,
but surprisingly it was not.
i had a very yummy lunch.
i also became a member of the aspca.
2 activists stopped us as we approached the museum.
i have been rec'ing emails from the organization
for a few years so why not go 1 step further
&
become a member?
the activists were really passionate
about saving the lives of dogs & cats,
but are not yet vegetarian/vegan,
so we all agreed
that i was the most awesome of us all
because i do not eat or wear animal flesh.

The question is not, "Can they reason?" nor, "Can they talk?" but rather, "Can they suffer?" ~Jeremy Bentham

A Yummy Lost Boy

2010-04-01T12:08:00.000-07:00

So, Jason Patric is in a new movie.

I am so excited!

Not because I have any interest in seeing the film,

but because for the next few weeks

I will be able to see his face

every time a promo is shown on TV.

Yea!

Just Cuz....

2010-04-01T11:34:00.000-07:00

My sister Lari & me wearing a little make-up

My Friend Russ

2010-04-01T11:19:00.000-07:00

for the first time in over 20 years i spoke
to my best friend from high school.
russell & i met at the end of 8th grade on the bus ride home
from a school trip to great america.
something clicked & we became really good friends.
he dated my best girlfriend for almost a year
&,
just to show you how nice these 2 people are,
they continued as friends for several years
&
actually spoke to each on the phone
for the 1st time in 20+ yrs the other night too.
russ came from some major dysfunction @ home,
but i never, ever heard him say a bad word about anyone.
he was always smiling & happy & joking around.
he was great!
&
i could tell from our short conversation the other night
that he is still a great guy.....
who is married to super secure woman
who totally cares about taking care of the earth.
i have thought of russ a lot through out the years
but it wasn't until i heard his voice
that i truly realized how much
i have missed having him in my life.
welcome back russ.
i really love ya!

Bright & Sparkly

2010-03-30T11:02:00.000-07:00

made laundry soap
&
toilet bowl cleaner
this past weekend.
both worked great!
the detergent got the cat puke outta my pants
&
everything came out of the wash looking bright.
just wonderful.
&
my toilet sparkled.
i really feel good knowing
that i was took care of business
while doing something positive for the earth.

Peace of Mind

2010-03-25T11:45:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Trader Joe's.

Saw a toddler sitting in a cart

with his finger in his nose.

He wasn't putting any effort into it.

Just sitting there

with his finger in his nose.

I got the feeling that

sitting there,

with his finger in his nose

gave him the same sense of comfort & security

that a pacifier

and a blanket might

give to other young children.

Really? Seriously?

2010-03-24T11:28:00.000-07:00

saw a woman on the news yesterday who successfully sued her husband's past mistress for $9 million.
she said that the woman is the reason for the demise of her happy 32 year marriage.
she said that her husband loved & respected her (the wife) until the mistress came along & earnestly pursued him to the point of seduction.
the wife didn't say anything about her husband owning his part.

really?

it's not the responsibility of the married person to say, "um, no thank you. i am married. gee the attention has been great but outta respect to my spouse i have to ask you to stop now, please."

come to find out during the divorce proceedings the husband admitted to several affairs, starting 2 years into their marriage.

the [former] mistress is appealing the ruling.

what the frick!

2010-03-15T06:25:00.000-07:00

so what's up with my adult on-set acne? i dealt with a zit or 2 once a month as a teen but now, at 46, my forehead looks like i am new to puberty! totally un. accept. able.

....and foods that i eat

2010-03-11T11:43:00.000-08:00

Ok, I am eating a scoop of chocolate peanut butter ice cream and it is to die for.

Some Stuff

2010-03-11T10:22:00.000-08:00

1) My #1 TV guilty pleasure started it's latest cycle last night. America's Next Top Model. Goodness help me, I love that show!
2) My friend Ed told me that he uses liquid oregano for his allergies. I bought some on Monday and have used 2 drops (under the tongue) every day since & I haven't had to take a pill all week! It's really, really (really) gross but it's so worth it.
3)Last Friday night my friend Ed & I went TV shopping. Last time I bought a TV Ed went with me & the TV (and VCR) lasted for almost 20 years! Now I can watch ANTM on a flat screen & I can once again use my DVD player(I was using an old TV for the past 6 months so I had no DVD hook-up). I am so happy to be able to use my yoga DVD's again!
4)I have been with my new job for almost 2 months & I just love it! I am learning tons & I am always busy & I am sooooooooooo happy to know that even in an indirect way, I am helping people to feel better. Yea!
5) I bought a new pillow Tuesday. The Ultima 2000 is a cervical pillow. I have slept so well the last couple of nights.

Great job. Helping people. A new TV. Yoga. Clear nasal passages. A good nights sleep....sigh....I am a happy girl!

Just saying.

Sigh.......

2010-03-09T11:23:00.001-08:00

So tonight I have to stand up in front of several women that I don't know.....

other chiropractic assistants.....

and recite a report of findings.

A report of findings is the finanicial agreement based insurance benefits,

or lack there of,

that the patient signs.

Like many people I am not good at speaking to a group.

Especially a group of people that I do not know.

Which is the case tonight.

I do not know these women even a little bit.

I tend to be very shy.

Always have been.

My first day of kindergarten I threw up in the class circle.

When I tried out for a small part in my high school's Spring Musical

not a sound escaped my throat.

I stood there looking at faces I had known for 2 years (some longer)

and nada.

Now, I used to do runway shows

and I sang in choir all through high school,

but that is different.

When you are on stage you cannot see the audience

so for all you know, no one showed up.

But tonight I will be able to see the faces of these strangers.

Sigh.

So, when I get nervous I might throw up (like the first day of school).

I might get weepy.

Or I may break out in hives.

Big, fat hives!

My friend Tim suggests that,

just for the heck of it,

I will myself to do all three.

He swears that will stop this group from ever asking me to stand before them again.

We'll see how it goes.

I'll report back here tomorrow.

I am Gettin Ready

2010-03-08T12:13:00.000-08:00

paul newman is no longer with us.

cary grant has been gone for over 20 years.

but george clooney is still alive & kicking

and now that hollywood's awards season is over

i know that george will soon been a single man again (i give him until june).

when he is up for his next oscar

and looking for a new girlfriend,

i am gonna be ready!

i know that our relationship will last only for a year or maybe 18 months,

but i also know that it'll be great fun.

travel. beautiful clothes. george.

i can't wait.

My Charity Choice For March: Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch

2010-03-03T10:41:00.000-08:00

I learned about the Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch when I read the book, Hope Rising, which tells of the work done at the ranch.
How can an organization miss when, as they help children they are aslo helping abused & neglected horses?
I not only plan on supporting this haven but I hope to visit it one day as well.

From the website:

Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch was founded in 1995, by Troy and Kim Meeder. After the rescue of its first two horses, a remarkable transformation was set into motion; children began to come to the ranch. They were not coming for what they could get, as the horses were not ridable, they were coming for what they could give. In their efforts of making the horses better, the children themselves got better.
After witnessing a mute girl speak freely to one of our rescued horses, it became vitally clear the need to build a ranch where horses and children could help heal each other.

Something Has Got To Be Done!

2010-03-02T05:57:00.000-08:00

I cried this morning.

When I heard the update on the young girl

from California who disappeared last week while out running.

I cried

when I heard

that the man arrested in connection

with her disappearence served just 5 years

of a 6 year (just a 6 year) prison term for

committing a

violent,

sexual act

against a 13 year old girl.

I cried

when I heard

the law says that it is up to the sex offender

to register with their state.

I cried

when I heard that this man did just that

than he moved 75 miles away to stay with his mom who,

it just so happens,

lives very near a grade school.

I cried

because this country just doesn't seem to get it.

We just don't seem to understand that

the sex offenders are

horrible,

violent,

monsters!

I cried as a

victim of the crime.

I cried as

an aunt.

I cried as

a woman.

The laws have to change!

And

they must be enforced!

Making Me Smile

2010-02-24T06:32:00.000-08:00

The Snowman in the complex courtyard makes me smile.
My crabby cat, Emma, makes me smile too.

The Beauty of Snow

2010-02-24T06:12:00.000-08:00

I am not one to complain about the weather.

I mean, what can you do? I live in Chicagoland.

It's February.

You have to figure it's gonna be cold

and

there's gonna be snow.

Well, this morning,

I have to be honest,

when I saw the snow on my car I let out a sigh.

I am so over it already.

But then I was driving

and

looking through my rearview mirror,

and wow!

The tree branches were draped in the newly fallen snow....

....it was like an Ansel Adams photo.

Can't compalin about that.

I Can't Stop Myself!

2010-02-23T05:57:00.000-08:00

Saturday, Feb 20th 7pm,

after leaving church I stop at the Jewel

pick up an Entenmann's chocolate fudge cake.

1 pound of yummy goodness.

Sunday, Feb 21st 7pm,

the cake has been devoured.

Totally.

I shared it with no one.

Not even my cats.

All gone in 24 hours.

Grey, Dusty, Poof Balls. Or....OK, That's Just Gross!

2010-02-22T11:09:00.000-08:00

Last night I opened a plastic bag

that had been sitting in my kitchen for about 2.5 wks.

I expected to find oranges from Florida.

Instead I found

grey, dusty, poof balls.

Dust actually floated to my face

when the bag was opened.

It was like, in the movies,

when someone opens a casket

with a body long dead inside.

Finding these grey dust balls helped solve the mystery

of a vinegar scent with orange undertones

that had greeted me every night

as I entered my home for the past week.

I thought the vinegar was left over from

when I last cleaned up some puke

my cat Sammie left for me.

Oranges have never been my first fruit choice

and I can honestly say

that I won't be eating oranges

for

long,

long

time.

outta the mouths of sibs

2010-02-18T11:29:00.000-08:00

3 of my siblings have blogs and of course i have my blog. you know what? we're all pretty darn good writers. we express ourselves very well. we have our own personal style. i am very impresed by us. i would buy any one of our books....if we were to write one. yup. we are family and we are talented.
just saying.

Imagine

2010-02-17T05:53:00.000-08:00

Yum - frickin' - me

Imagine Soup found @ Jewel & Whole Foods

So Which Is It?

2010-02-10T11:39:00.000-08:00

Is it new or is it improved?

It can't be both.

If a product is new, then why would it need to be improved?

If it's improved, then it can't be new.

Can it?

Just asking.

I'm Loving The Reaper

2010-02-09T10:58:00.000-08:00

Heard one of my all-time favorite songs on the way to work this morning.

Don't Fear The Reaper.

Love that song!

Since it is the opening song to the miniseries The Stand

I always picture people falling over dead from Captian Tripps.

Don't Fear The Reaper one of my favorite songs EVER!

The Stand, probably Stephen Kings best book.

Stephen King, love, love, love him!

Read This Today Had To Share With You

2010-02-08T11:46:00.000-08:00

To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based onthe fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction. And if we do act, in however small a way, we don't have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelousvictory.

Howard Zinn

In The Red

2010-02-08T10:53:00.000-08:00

On my sister's blog a couple of weeks ago she gave a red lipstick challenge.

Here are my red lips though it's not really a challenge for me.

Since giving up my florescent lavender shade in the early 90's

all I have ever worn is red.

In fact I own about a dozen lipsticks

and

every shade is from the red family.

Well I Do Declare

2010-02-08T10:50:00.000-08:00

Southern Belle.

Banjo picker.

[Former] Beauty Queen Winner.

Beth is 46 years old today.

Happy Birthday Beth!

Kisses For Me

2010-02-04T11:38:00.000-08:00

The candy that is like meth for me is the Hershey Kiss.
Like a young kid on Halloween,
I will eat those little kisses until I literally feel sick to my stomach.
And now I have heard that they will be making them in dark chocolate.
I am doomed!

My friend Dana....Voice For All Wwho Are Voiceless

2010-02-03T11:46:00.000-08:00

My friend Dana's family (The Albers)

has rescued 2 dogs in the 4.5 yrs that I have known her

Below is a picutre of Julia Dawson (with Amy Albers).

Julia is an older doggie who had basically

been abandoned by her former owner

had been living in a cage since December.

She was not put up for adoption because of her age.

Thanks to the Albers Family,

Julia is now living free & easy

with lots of hugs, kisses

& love.

The Albers

ROCK!

Ohmygosh What The Hell Is Wrong WIth People!

2010-02-02T11:59:00.001-08:00

Just read a story about a Greyslake, IL man who shot a strangers dog to death because it was in his backyard.
What the FRICK!!?
When the cops arrested him they found 31 weapons in his house.
Again....What the frick!?

What do The Beatles, Al Gore & The Swedish Have In Common?

2010-02-01T11:06:00.000-08:00

The Doctor is away today so I am listening to The Beatles (music) station on the Big R Network.

I am hearing songs that I haven't heard since my days as the family basement music mole. I used to spend hours of almost every day holed up in the basement listening to music. I listened to anything & everything...... The Carpenters, Tom Jones, The Bee-Gees, The Beatles, Arrowsmith, Kiss, CSN, Heart...well, you get the idea.

Anyway, on this channel they play all Beatles & the stuff the boys did on their own afterwards.

The thing about this station is, it was my idea.

Yup totoally true!

Years & years (and years) ago I thought that it would be a great idea to have radio stations dedicated to specific artists like The Beatles, Elvis, Michael Jackson, Sinatra, Clapton, etc.

So just like Al Gore invented the Internet I invented the Big R Network.

A few songs back Paul McCartney's Another Day came on and as always it reminded me of my youngest sister. Why? Because somewhere on [cassette] tape I have her singing Another Day as a Swede (or what we thought Swedes sounded like when we were children).....Everydayski she takes a morning bathski.....It's just another dayski.

Ahhhhh. Beautiful.

The Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Waste

2010-01-28T13:05:00.000-08:00

I cannot tell you how much I am enjoying my new job.

Yes, I have a lot to learn

but I am so excited about the whole process of learning everything....

I am using my brain again & I am loving it!
Woo-Hoo!!

What I Would Like To Know....

2010-01-27T06:03:00.000-08:00

....why is it that

when I washed & moisturized my face yesterday morning

and

when I washed & moisturized my face last night

I did not notice the 2 long, dark hairs

sprouting from my chin until today?

I want to know!

My New Job Day 2

2010-01-20T11:39:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the 1st day on my new job.

It was a long day

(8am-6pm, but I actually didn't get out of here until 6:25pm).

For better efficacy ,

there is no chair behind the front desk,

so except for lunch,

I am literally on my feet the entire time.

The doctor is a control freak.

And I wish I knew everything already

because I am someone who does not like to have a shadow....

someone hanging over my shoulder

....all day long.

I like to be left alone so that I can work.

I want to be left alone so that I can develop my own routine,

but I don't see that happening for at least another 10 days

because there is so much to learn.

So....sigh.

2010-01-19T12:18:00.001-08:00

Start new job today.

Doctor can be a little controlling so it should be interesting.

I am going in with an open mind & willing spirit.

Can't ask for more than that.

Oh My Darling Clementine

2010-01-14T14:05:00.000-08:00

I want to thank

my sister Lari

and

her husband Jim

for introducing me to

the clementine

this past Christmas.

It's easy to peel

and

basically seedless

(I have bitten into 2-3 seeds).

I eat at least 2 a day.

I am going to be sad

in less than a month tho

because

clementines are in season

November-January.

Sigh.

My Heart Bleeds

2010-01-13T11:50:00.000-08:00

I find it hard to concentrate on much else when the headlines scream ....

Thousands feared dead in Haiti quake,

Haitian capital 'flattened by quake,

‘Horrific’ devastation from Haiti quake

PM fears death toll above 100,000

I am amazed at how

some people

can hear news like

the Haitian earthquake

and

appear not to be touched by it.

There really are people who react

with total indifference

to tragedies like

Waco,

the Oklahoma bombing,

Columbine,

Katrina,

the Thailand Tsunami,

etc.

A guy I know told me

that if something

doesn't effect

his immediate circle

he isn't affected

by it.

Wow.

I was too young for

the MLK

Bobby Kennedy

killings to have

registered with me.

But....

....I do remember that

I was in choir class

when the announcment

was made that

President Reagan

had been shot.

I see

-as clear in my mind's eye as if it were happening this very minute-

my friend Gay

asking me

if I am OK.

I think that event

- coupled with the Lennon shooting just 3 1/2 months earlier -

changed me forever.

I make that statement

because

I remember being

slammed

with the

cold hard fact

that there

are really people

who really believe that

they really have the right

to end

another person's life

and

I recall feeling

extremely sad

by that knowledge.

I was at work

the morning

of January 28 1986

and

like a lot of people

I saw

The Challenger explosion

happen live on TV.

This isn't happening!

is the only way

to describe

what I was thinking.

Of course I cried

but

I think that

I wanted to throw up too.

I remember my sister telling me

that she

and

a girlfriend were out

that afternoon shopping

and

she couldn't believe it

when her friend

began to whine

about not being able

to find anything

that she really liked

to which my sister responded

by losing her composure

and

snapping

something along the lines of,

God!

Seven people have been blown up

in front of our country's eyes!

1986 Space Shuttle Challenger Crew

I was at the gym on

September 11 2001

when I tuned into

ABC radio

in time to hear

Diane Sawyer

cry out

that another plane

had hit the

other tower.

I had no idea what

was happening,

but

I calmly said

to no one:

My God, they're killing us.

While at home soaking in a hot bath

I watched the towers crumble

to the ground

I was literally unable to move

so as the water cooled

I sat there with my mouth hanging open.

I was too stunned to cry.

The tears came later

and

lasted until I thought I might go crazy.

I will never forget

the eerie silence of the planeless skies after the attacks

the fact that for months & months afterwards

I would stop dead in my tracks

when a plane flew low

a helicopter was in the area.

I cannot imagine that

those in NYC

and

at the Pentagon

that morning

will ever completely

get over the fear,

you know.

I thought of my sister's

January 1986 shopping trip

on the third 9/11 anniversary.

When

a co-worker was going

on & on

about

how pissed off he was

on 9/11/2001

when he discovered

that his bank,

and

other places of business he "needed"

that day,

were closed

due to employees

wanting to go home

to be with loved ones.

I sat at my desk

listening

and

once again

my mouth

was

hanging open.

That conversation

has got to be

one of the

coldest

and

most selfish

I have ever

listened to.

The other woman who

was present

declared

that the speaker

was really

a very

nice man.

I didn't believe it

then

and

I don't believe it

today.

What I do believe

and

maybe I am

wrong,

is that

his attitude

on 9/11/2001

and

his words

on 9/11/2004

scream

SELF ABSORBED A-HOLE!

9/11/2001 aftermath